Saturday, August 25, 2007

In Ubuntu Christian Edition the mount command calls the sermon script. Ensuring you always get a sermon on the mount.
(tnx to Oliver)

Saturday, March 17, 2007


There is no abort() support in Ubuntu Christian Edition's glibc
(tnx to noah)


Ubuntu Christian Edition is Three in One... Ubuntu, Kubuntu and Xubuntu Christian Edition
(tnx to mindflayer)

Sunday, November 19, 2006


In Ubuntu Christian Edition GNOME’s logo is washed just before Easter.
(tnx to d0k)

Friday, October 27, 2006


Ubuntu Christian Edition 7.04 will be called "Chaste Fawn"

Saturday, October 21, 2006


In Ubuntu Christian Edition the sin() function has been removed from libm.
(tnx to Dennis)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition, all documents are saved by grace through faith.
(tnx to someone)

Tuesday, October 03, 2006


In Ubuntu Christian Edition you can burn heretic cds only.

Sunday, September 24, 2006


With Ubuntu Christian Edition, you don't need to surf the web. You can walk on it.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


For 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in text mode only.


For your dekstop, Ubuntu Christian Edition has only one theme. Love.
(tnx to Ivano)

Friday, September 15, 2006


In Ubuntu Christian Edition Novell's e-mail program has been renamed "Creation".
(tnx to someone)

Thursday, September 14, 2006


Ubuntu Christian Edition uses Enlightenment for its windowmanager/desktop.
(tnx to revdjenk)


Dual boot is not possible in Ubuntu Christian edition. "Thou shalt have no other operating systems before Me...".
(tnx to someone)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition, there can be only root and 12 more users, one of which will help crackers to acces the system.
(tnx to Goyira)


Ubuntu Christian Edition was made in only seven days.
(tnx to Snuden78)


If you right click on Wanda the Fish logged as root in Ubuntu
Christian Edition, you get in the popup menu the option "multiply".


Ubuntu Christian Edition doesn't work very well with cross-platform software. (tnx to someone)


Ubuntu Christian Edition doesn't allow to put a network interface into promiscous mode. (tnx to Cassini)

Wednesday, September 13, 2006


In order to work properly, Ubuntu Christian Edition needs to be activated online with a procedure called Baptism.
(tnx to Gianpy)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition to find the meaning of a function you'll have to digit BIBLE (name of the function) instead of man (name of the function).
(tnx to Gianpy)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition, a special BSOD (Blue Screen Of Death) has been reintroduced, which looks like a long shining tunnel (LSTSOD: long shining tunneled screen of death).
(tnx to ethernode)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition, multiplication problems can only be done using the FORTH programming language, as in "Go forth and multiply".
(tnx to someone)


Ubuntu Christian Edition has only 10 commands.
(tnx to someone)


Ubuntu Christian Edition has the confess command that deletes your logs and caches
(tnx to Scornn)


Boy: "Hi, I'm a Mac"
Man: "And I'm a PC"
Boy: "I got everything out-of-the-box, blog, podcast, fun stuff.."
Man: "I have Ubuntu Christian Edition"
Boy: "Oh..Touché"


Life cycle of a Linux User:
  • newbie -> Ubuntu
  • elite linux admin -> Debian
  • elite linux admin after months of config files editing -> Ubuntu Christian Edition


To install wine in Ubuntu Christian Edition, you simply enter apt-get install water.
(tnx to John)


The hand cursor in Ubuntu Christian Edition's browsers has stigmata.
(tnx to Ivano)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition you never get the system nailed down. It would be blaspheme.
(tnx to Ivano)

Tuesday, September 12, 2006


Ubuntu Christian Edition kernel configuration is done through the "make godconfig" command, that generates a perfect .config file. It knows what your hardware needs and which modules you will need in the FUTURE.

Saturday, September 09, 2006


After some idle time, Ubuntu Christian Edition starts praying to save the screen.
(tnx to Ivano)

Thursday, September 07, 2006


If you're talking about a skilled sysadmin that runs Ubuntu Christian Edition, the term B.O.F.H. stays for Blessed Operator From Heaven.


Ubuntu Christian Edition has a special kernel module to handle plug and pray hardware - devices that, after connection, wait that you pray for them before working.


Ubuntu Christian Edition's wine can run Oblivion without any performance loss. After all, it can do miracles.


The first program written in Ubuntu Christian Edition did not print "Hello World". It printed "Let there be light". And there was light.
(tnx to Ivano)


Ubuntu Christian Edition is the only operating system that can run on a trinitary system architecture.
(tnx to Ivano and Concetta's Lover)

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


When Ubuntu Christian Edition successfully detects ALL your hardware, it locates the nearest internet-enabled church and automatically lights a candle for you.


Ubuntu Christian Edition had to remove the Apache web server from the distro. It stays with his shamanistic Manitou-related faith,
solid as a rock.


In Ubuntu Christian Edition the arp command is replaced by an improved version called harp. You know, angels like to play harp, adding holy sounds to your OS.

Monday, September 04, 2006


If you uninstall Ubuntu Christian Edition, it will automatically re-install after three days.
(tnx to Kirsey)


Ubuntu Christian Edition's Nautilus file browser has been replaced by Noah's ark file browser. It features an embedded backup function, limited to 40 days.


In Ubuntu Christian Edition Mr. Potatoe is already dressed. Nudity is obscene.
(tnx to Ivano)

Sunday, September 03, 2006


In Ubuntu Christian Edition the default location for saved files is /heaven.
(tnx to Rev. Dan, modified)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition a member of the priests user group can execute this command: ln -s /usr/bin/wine /usr/bin/blood_of_Christ


Ubuntu Christian Edition's Open Office logo is a white dove.


In Ubuntu Christian Edition, EOF is replaced by AMEN.
(tnx to Ivano)


In Ubuntu Christian Edition there are no zombie processes. No Voodoo in good christian systems.

Saturday, September 02, 2006


Ubuntu Christian Edition's chmod doesn't allow 666 permission to be set.
(tnx to Jonas)


Ubuntu Christian Edition won't run on Apple computers. He said not to touch them.
(tnx to Erlkoenig)

Friday, September 01, 2006


In Ubuntu Christian Edition process priority has no meaning: all processes are the same at the eye of God.


Ubuntu Christian Edition has got a modified version of fsck that prints the message "this is a good moment for praying" if launched in automatic repair mode on a corrupted file system.

Thursday, August 31, 2006


Emacs psychologist in Ubuntu Christian Edition is now Emacs confessor.


Viruses are not quarantined in Ubuntu Christian Edition... they are handled by a special confessor process who listens to their sins.
(tnx to Lupin)


Ubuntu Christian Edition hasn't got any configuration Wizard. No superstion in serious christian systems.


An algorithm developed in Ubuntu Christian Edition does not need proofs.


Ubuntu Christian Edition's man pages are dogmatic.


In Ubuntu Christian Edition, fortune only gives quotes from the Bible


Ubuntu Christian Edition networking stack doesn't support multicast and server processes can serve a single client in their execution. Every kind of promiscuity is banned.


Ubuntu Christian Edition's media player automatically discovers hidden backward messages in rock music.


In the next Ubuntu Christian Edition release, there will be a totally new way to create new processes... in fact, even married processes cannot make children with fork.. clonation is not allowed.


If a process dies in Ubuntu Christian Edition, he reaches eternal life. Without error code, he goes to the Holy Data Structure of Heaven; with error code, he is damned to infamous Data Structure of Hell.


If you are already using Ubuntu 6.06 Dapper Drake, there is a script to convert it to Ubuntu Christian Edition.
...
The sentence above is true, click here you unbeliever!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006


There are no direct broadcast messages from root in Ubuntu Christian Edition: there are special Prophet users who deliver them.


In Ubuntu Christian Edition you cannot login as root: nobody can play God's role.


If a webcam is available, Ubuntu Christian Edition uses his embedded sign-of-the-cross recognition instead of asking passwords.


The standard Loading cursor of Ubuntu Christian Edition is a praying monk


On Ubuntu Christian Edition, only married processes can fork children.


Ubuntu Christian Edition networking refuses to work with FreeBSD (with its red, little, evil Beastie)


If you install successfully S.A.T.A.N. (Security Auditing Tool for Analyzing Networks) on Ubuntu Christian Edition, you get a kernel panic as you reboot.


In Ubuntu Christian Edition the init process has been replaced by the genesis process.


Ubuntu Christian Edition's installer program is very easy and detects all kind of hardware devices. This is to avoid users to goddamn anyone.


On Ubuntu Christian Edition, the "kill" and "killall" commands only print the "RESPECT THE COMMANDMENTS!" string and log your attempt to syslog.


Ubuntu Christian Edition processes can respawn only at Easter


Ubuntu Christian Edition has an automatic alarm clock every Sunday at 6 AM.


Ubuntu Christian Edition's default background is similar to WindowsXP landscape, but on the hill there are three crosses.


Ubuntu Christian Edition does not have daemons.