Thursday, August 31, 2006

Emacs psychologist in Ubuntu Christian Edition is now Emacs confessor.

Viruses are not quarantined in Ubuntu Christian Edition... they are handled by a special confessor process who listens to their sins.
(tnx to Lupin)

Ubuntu Christian Edition hasn't got any configuration Wizard. No superstion in serious christian systems.

An algorithm developed in Ubuntu Christian Edition does not need proofs.

Ubuntu Christian Edition's man pages are dogmatic.

In Ubuntu Christian Edition, fortune only gives quotes from the Bible

Ubuntu Christian Edition networking stack doesn't support multicast and server processes can serve a single client in their execution. Every kind of promiscuity is banned.

Ubuntu Christian Edition's media player automatically discovers hidden backward messages in rock music.

In the next Ubuntu Christian Edition release, there will be a totally new way to create new processes... in fact, even married processes cannot make children with fork.. clonation is not allowed.

If a process dies in Ubuntu Christian Edition, he reaches eternal life. Without error code, he goes to the Holy Data Structure of Heaven; with error code, he is damned to infamous Data Structure of Hell.

If you are already using Ubuntu 6.06 Dapper Drake, there is a script to convert it to Ubuntu Christian Edition.
The sentence above is true, click here you unbeliever!

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

There are no direct broadcast messages from root in Ubuntu Christian Edition: there are special Prophet users who deliver them.

In Ubuntu Christian Edition you cannot login as root: nobody can play God's role.

If a webcam is available, Ubuntu Christian Edition uses his embedded sign-of-the-cross recognition instead of asking passwords.

The standard Loading cursor of Ubuntu Christian Edition is a praying monk

On Ubuntu Christian Edition, only married processes can fork children.

Ubuntu Christian Edition networking refuses to work with FreeBSD (with its red, little, evil Beastie)

If you install successfully S.A.T.A.N. (Security Auditing Tool for Analyzing Networks) on Ubuntu Christian Edition, you get a kernel panic as you reboot.

In Ubuntu Christian Edition the init process has been replaced by the genesis process.

Ubuntu Christian Edition's installer program is very easy and detects all kind of hardware devices. This is to avoid users to goddamn anyone.

On Ubuntu Christian Edition, the "kill" and "killall" commands only print the "RESPECT THE COMMANDMENTS!" string and log your attempt to syslog.

Ubuntu Christian Edition processes can respawn only at Easter

Ubuntu Christian Edition has an automatic alarm clock every Sunday at 6 AM.

Ubuntu Christian Edition's default background is similar to WindowsXP landscape, but on the hill there are three crosses.

Ubuntu Christian Edition does not have daemons.